Change

You call this the good life; well I call this the bad life. Nothing more then something that was a has been. I’m done trying to make your life so perfect. All you say is the things you pay for; well money shouldn’t be the issue here; but you keep bringing it up like it is. I’m done with you, all I want to do is cry but I can’t let myself, because crying only means that I am defeating myself. I can’t lose to you; I won’t let myself. The key word now is change, I need to change the way my life is from now on. I won’t be doing things that will benefit you, but will only benefit me from now on. I’m done with you, all I see is change from here on out.

Prayer

So if you guys have been following me either on Facebook or Youtube, I have been given interviews at EZ Lube. Here's what basically happened.

Sunday- I applied for the position at 9pm
Monday- I got a call from a lady named Marlo to have an interview the next day at 10 am
Tuesday- Went to Costa Mesa to have an interview with Marlo, she liked me and she told me that I will have another interview with the store manager. Later that day she called me and said that the manager wanted to meet with me on Thursday to have the interview.
Thursday- I woke up early so that I could start getting ready, then I got a call saying that the manager was in a car accident and that he wasn't going to be in the store today, and when he got back that I would have my interview with him.

So the prayer request:
1.) That the manager gets fully healed from this accident
2.) They call me as soon as he's done getting healed, this in part because I really need a job.
3.) That I actually get the job

thanks for following me :)

Happy Fathers Day!

To all those fathers out there, happy fathers day. I do have a father, but the only father figure that I have had in my life is my grandfather; Arnulfo de la Torre. I miss him everyday that he's not here with us. Today I was fortunate to go to the cemetery and lay some flowers where his ashes were laid. Looking at the tomb stone, I thought of all the memories that I have had with him. Whether it was going to the store with him or him just picking me up from school, I loved every moment that I had with my grandfather.

The irony of today was last night for me. I had a dream about my grandfathers funeral. It was so detailed that I could go back to that day and remember everything that happened.
The dream started at the Our Lady of Guadalupe Shrine, where my Uncle Sonny and Grandmother were walking down the aisle with my grandpa's ashes with the song Angel by Sarah McLachlan. Then all of a sudden, we're at the national cemetery. I could recall the place we were at and then taps started to play. I woke up with tears in my eyes.

I miss my grandfather so much. He was the only one in my life that believed in me. He knew that I could have the world if I had the choice. I love you grandpa, you are my world and will be forever.

Evaluation

So now that I have had somewhat of a better day, I was analyzing last night. I think that I was in a bad position and wanted to drink...but now I'm looking at it from outside the glass and I see that I would have made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Drinking again would have made me a different person then from what I am now. I have worked so hard to become this person...to get the real Katrina back to where I was a few years ago.

It's strange to me that only a few years ago I knew what I was doing in my life and I knew that I was going to be doing something great, like constantly going on mission trips and trying to be a better person. It's weird how I have lost that in the short span of time that I was able to pick up a beer, or in my case, another martini or vodka shot.

I know have a clearer picture of what I am doing in my life. Yeah I know I'm far away from graduating, but at least I have the intention of graduating. I love my life right now, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I just had that little moment yesterday that I thought things were all over with.

Never Gonna Give Up

Drinking never defined me, it ended who I was as a person. Day by day I am constantly reminded by how much pain and agony I have been through in my life, but none of that matters if that’s what defines me as a person now. I have to get up everyday and tell myself “today is a new and different day, you can get through this one.” If I don’t, I let the world get inside of my head and I let the world dictate who I am going to be that day. Recovery is a never-ending battle, I will have my good days, but I will DEFINITELY have my bad days. I just have to learn to get through them with the dignity I know I have. I have to have the support system in contact so that I know I can get through this with the help of people who love me.

Today was not a good day for me but this will not be my last bad day.

My Worst Day Sober is Better Than My Best Day Drunk.